In addition to memories of the experience, you can feel guilt or shame and blame yourself for the incident. You may have told yourself, “I shouldn’t have been there in the first place.”
Or maybe you felt slightly aroused even though you didn’t want to and feel shame around that.
When you tell yourself anything like this, your body automatically goes into a fight/flight/freeze mode.
You may be in the middle of sex and suddenly lose an erection, or your body tightens and you begin to feel pain.
Other times you may not have control over your body, or feel like you have control over what’s about to happen, and your body totally shuts down before you can even begin sex. Even when you experience some pulling back or shutting down around sex, it is possible to settle your mind and body, and to re-engage to have a pleasurable experience.
While you can learn to feel pleasure during physical stimulation alone or as a single person, your partner often plays an important role in this process.
You and your partner are a team — and, addressing any difficulties in any area, including sexually, requires a team approach.
Together, you learn how to help each other through the healing process. Doing so makes your bond even stronger and more intimate sex is a natural outcome of stronger bonds.