What happens when you and your partner have different levels of sexual desire?

Sex therapy for individuals and couples in Mt. Pleasant, Charleston, and South Carolina

Move sex from the chore list onto the “Yes, Please!” list.

Do you want sex more than your partner? How about less than your partner? Mismatched sexual desire affects most couples regardless of how long they have been together and there are numerous contributing factors. And even more importantly, we know how to help you bring the spark back into the bedroom.

Even when you try doing something new does the experience fall short of what you hoped? We all fall into ruts under the pressure of our demanding lives and sex seems to take one of the biggest hits to a couple.

Does one of you want it more than the other?

Do you know that men and women have a different sexual desire styles? Usually one person is “spontaneous” with their desire, and the other person is “responsive”. You can accurately guess who is usually who within the couple.

The spontaneous person’s role is to warm up their partner who may not have any desire in that moment.

When the responsive style partner is presented with compelling material, this person’s system may begin to respond and get in the mood! This can be an especially difficult task if your responsive partner is feeling unfulfilled in the relationship.

One of you may begin to feel like sex is being withheld or weaponized in this case while the other one feels like all their partner cares about is having sex. Changing this dynamic is within reach with our help.


Fill up your emotional and physical love tank.​

It’s been a long day. You both worked, got food on the table, and put the kids to bed. You’re exhausted and done with the day. The spontaneous partner thinks to himself, “gosh a little romp would really put some fuel back in my tank” so he places his hand firmly on the small of his partner’s back knowing how much this calms his partner and makes her feel held.

Allow sex to resource you.

You hold your hand there and gently smile in your partner’s eyes, letting her know that even after the savageries of the day that you see on her face, she is still a gem to you.

The responsive partner rolls her eyes at the idea of “doing” more that night but feeling the energy of your hand on her back she begins to relax and realize that sex is for her benefit and pleasure. 

She can receive your energy and sex will allow her to sleep better and awaken refreshed.

Try this with your partner:

One night when you are both ready for bed, or one morning before you have to get moving, spoon your partner while unclothed for five minutes.
  • Just snuggle, no wandering hands, no expectation for sex.
  • The spooner’s role is just to think loving thoughts toward your partner.
  • The partner being spooned’s role is really relax and receive your partners loving thoughts and to feel held.
  • After five minutes switch who is being spooned.
  • After ten minutes, thank your partner, let them know how much you enjoyed feeling them close to you, and then move on with what is next in the day.
Even if you and your partner feel turned on, avoid sex after this practice. The exercise is meant to give and receive pleasure without the demand or expectation of sex. Think of it like going to the gas station to fuel up your tank.

Incredible lovers are made, not born.

What’s holding you back in the bedroom?

Sometimes not having much interest in sex stems from unfulfilling sex. Sexual trauma, messages from our family growing up about sex, and changes while we age affect the quality of our experience.

Move into a confident position of being sex positive.

Talking with a trusted expert about these things can make a big difference. And, upping your game is always the hallmark of a great lover.

Meet our team of couples counselors and sex therapists