When I work with couples considering ethical non-monogamy, I explore how they navigate differing viewpoints within their current relationship. If partners do not feel heard and respected by one another, these communication patterns can carry over into an ethical non-monogamous relationship, potentially driving them further apart.
During therapy sessions, I observe the couples’ nonverbal responses, noting whether they lean in toward each other or turn away. I also pay attention to their facial expressions and physical proximity, as these cues can offer valuable insights into their emotional and physical bond. Plus, I encourage couples to tune in to their partner’s nonverbal signals, helping them become more mindful of how they connect and show up in each other’s presence.
I examine whether couples lovingly support each other, even with differing views. I focus on whether they validate each other’s perspectives. In an ethical non-monogamous relationship, couples regularly discuss their needs and preferences to foster the relationship they want to create. This requires partners to communicate openly, managing moments of disagreement while remaining connected and present. I help couples overcome communication obstacles that may hinder their emotional closeness. Creating and sustaining a healthy communication cycle within their existing relationship dynamic is the foundation that can significantly improve their chances of success.
These are a few examples of questions I ask during a session to gain more insight into your communication patterns:
- Do you feel heard and listened to by your partner?
- Do you refrain from expressing your feelings for fear it may lead to an argument?
Books:
- Polyamory: A Clinical toolkit for therapists and their clients by Martha Kauppi
- Polysecure: Attachment, trauma, and consensual nonmonogamy by Jessica Fern
